Proving that there are, in fact, more awesome things in this world than L.A. Lights, some dude in Venice came up with the best thing ever: a coffee table made of maple, mahogany & walnut that looks like, and actually functions as, a controller for an 8-bit Nintendo. And, sure, you’re probably already thinking, “Nothing is more awesome than L.A. Lights” but also, “Wait, this coffee table is a working Nintendo controller??”, which’s exactly what we said and why we ran this thing down to Thrillist’s super-secret subterranean testing lab to see how this greatest invention ever stacked up with the handheld-sized one:
Test 1: Contra, 1-player mode, sharing controller with Shawn Bradley
Normal Nintendo Controller: Dude, who let Shawn Bradley into our super-secret subterranean testing lab? Also, this controller is totally not sharable.
Functional Coffee Table Nintendo Controller: No seriously, who let Shawn Bradley into our super-secret subterranean testing lab? But also, this controller is totally sharable!
Test 2: Super Mario Brothers 3, 1-player mode, after a trip to the dispensary
Normal Nintendo Controller: Wait, this normal Nintendo controller is a working Nintendo controller??
Functional Coffee Table Nintendo Controller: Wait, this coffee table is a working Nintendo controller??
Test 3: R.C. Pro-AM, 1-player mode, throwing controller at TV outta frustration over computer cars’ unfair turbo boosting
Normal Nintendo Controller: Ahh, that feels so much better.
Functional Coffee Table Nintendo Controller: Eff. This is really heavy.
Test 4: Battletoads, 1-player mode, while drinking Pibb Xtra and inputting GameGenie codes
Normal Nintendo Controller: Code invalid? Seriously? That just took me like 20min to put in. And now I’ve spilled my Pibb Xtra everywhere due to my frustration. This controller is ruined.
Functional Coffee Table Nintendo Controller: Samesies, except, this controller is totally fine thanks to the glass protector top!
Test 5: Ninja Gaiden, 1-player mode, trying to attack dudes while climbing ladders
Normal Nintendo Controller: Fail.
Functional Coffee Table Nintendo Controller: Fail.